Success Isn’t What We Think It Is
What does it really mean to win in life?
Is it earning more money than others? Achieving social recognition? Or proving wrong the people who once doubted us?
In today’s world, success is often measured in salaries, promotions, and material comfort. But if those things truly defined happiness, why do we see so many successful people struggling with stress, anxiety, and dissatisfaction? These questions began to trouble me recently, and they pushed me into a deeper reflection about life, success, and the purpose of our existence.
Nine months ago, I published a book. It did not bring extraordinary fame, but it did bring something meaningful, a little recognition. My earlier books had earned me some money, but this one gave me something different: a good name. Not only within the UPSC aspirant community, but also among my family members. For someone like me, who has had several unsuccessful UPSC attempts and still does not hold a “proper” job, that recognition meant a lot. Many people suddenly began to look at me differently, and some even started calling me a brilliant fellow.
But that is not really the main thing I want to talk about.
A few months ago, I received a phone call from one of my high school friends. Today he is a successful software engineer, steadily climbing the corporate ladder, taking on bigger responsibilities, and earning a six-figure income. As close friends often do, we began talking about our childhood and school days. During the conversation, he proudly said something that stayed with me long after the call ended.
He reminded me how our teachers used to criticize him for not studying well and how they would sometimes even punish him. Then he laughed and said that those same teachers were still working in the same school and earning very little, while he had moved far ahead in life. According to him, the difference was clear, the tables had turned and he had won the game.
His words pushed me toward a deeper question that perhaps all of us face at some point in life: what does it really mean to succeed? Is success simply about earning more money than the people who once judged us? If earning lakhs and crores truly guarantees happiness, then why do we see so many wealthy people struggling with stress and anxiety? What exactly should we be looking for in life? And in the end, what is the real purpose of our existence?
Serious vs Sincere – A Conflict
While reflecting on these questions, I also realized something uncomfortable about myself. In the past, whenever I started working toward a personal goal, I often tried to appear serious. If someone entered the room, they would see me studying or working with a focused expression, as if I were completely dedicated. But when I was alone, many times I was simply scrolling through reels on my phone.
That made me ask myself a simple but uncomfortable question: for whom am I living?
To others, I appeared to be a hardworking and serious person, but to myself I knew the truth. That is when I began to understand the difference between being serious and being sincere. Seriousness can sometimes be a performance for others, but sincerity is a commitment to yourself.
Most of us want recognition from society. We want appreciation, praise, and validation from others. But the most honest appreciation should come from the person we see in the mirror every day. When we truly introspect, we often realize that we are not living according to our own values but according to society’s expectations. Perhaps that is one of the biggest causes of stress in modern life. Instead of trying to look serious or impress others, what really matters is sincerity. Quiet discipline, consistent effort, and honesty with ourselves are far more meaningful than any outward display of dedication.
Earning Huge and Living Lavishly – Is That Success?
Of course, we must also acknowledge a simple truth—money matters. Money is a basic need, and without it life can become extremely difficult. In many ways, money provides freedom and dignity. Without money, a person may even struggle to receive basic respect in society. It gives us opportunities and advantages in life that cannot be ignored. However, the real question is whether money should become the measure of everything.
Imagine receiving a major promotion on the same day that you lose a loved one. Or imagine winning crores in a lottery while discovering that your partner has left you. In such moments, money loses its meaning.
Life is far more complex than financial success. A fulfilling life is built on many dimensions—relationships, health, kindness, good character, emotional peace, and a sense of purpose. Money may support happiness, but it cannot replace it. True happiness is something deeper. It is the quiet ability to look inward and say, “I am content.”
Sometimes a person living in a small wooden hut may experience more joy than a billionaire sitting inside a luxurious air-conditioned mansion. Perhaps in our materialistic world, we have slowly begun to confuse pleasure with happiness.
Recently I learned that my high school friend, the one who proudly declared that he had won the game has been going through intense stress. His job is uncertain, the pressure is high, and he now takes medication regularly to cope with anxiety.
On the same day, I happened to see a WhatsApp post from the very teacher he once criticized. The teacher had shared a photograph of himself standing among his students, smiling widely while spending time with them. The caption simply read: “Happiness.” And suddenly the same question returned to my mind.
So tell me now… who really won?
✍️ Aditya Nellithaya